By Lan Tait
Right after I married my wife, Bhabes (say “Babes” for my American friends), back in 1987, we had some language problems. She was born in Aklan, on the world famous island of Boracay. She was really smart, went to school in Tondo (Manila), Cavite and within the Walled City of Intramuros (Spanish meaning “within the walls”). She spoke the languages of Tagalog, Aklanon, Hiligaynon, Kinaray-a, and was very good in English. Bhabes also had a degree in Accounting.
I was not so smart, having barely made it through High School and not even doing that well in English!
I was going to the Embassy one day, and then to the mall, and asked if she wanted to come along. She said “Uh-uh”, so I left without her. My California friends will tell you, “uh-uh” means “No!”
When I got home, Bhabes was mad at me! In Tagalog, “Uh-uh” is short for “O-O” – their way of saying “Yes!” Because she was mad at me, I got mad at her, which ended in a big fight over a very small thing.
We were newly-weds fighting over a silly small cultural mistake. Was that love? We were just about to start our honeymoon! Fighting! I started thinking about “What is love really?” I found a short four and a half verses in the Bible that I applied to my life this way…
What is love really?
When I am not patient with Bhabes, I am not loving her.
When I am not kind to Bhabes, I am not loving her.
When I envy Bhabes, I am not loving her.
When I boast (about myself) and exclude Bhabes, I am not loving her.
When I am proud of myself, and not of Bhabes, I am not loving her.
When I say or do things that dishonor Bhabes, I am not loving her.
When I seek only what I want (self-seeking), I am not loving Bhabes.
When I am unforgiving, and keep a record of every little thing Bhabes did wrong, I am not loving her.
If I delight in doing things that hurt (wrong) Bhabes, I am not loving her.
If ever I don’t speak the truth to Bhabes (or anyone) I am not loving her.
I must always protect Bhabes, or I am not loving her.
I must always trusts Bhabes, or I am not loving her.
I must always hope for Bhabes good, or I am not loving her.
I must always persevere for Bhabes, or I am not loving her.
If ever I quit on Bhabes, or leave or fail her, it means that I NEVER loved her!
We fraught because I was not loving her, not because I misunderstood her.
Just after Christmas 2015 will be 21 years since Bhabes car crash that sent her to heaven. At our wedding I had promised to love her “until death do us part.” However, that turned out to be a lie. Twenty-One years after “death did us part”…
I still love her!
If you have a wife that sometimes gets mad at you, be glad! It took only a fraction of a second for me to not be married anymore. As Bhabes and I spoke on the phone, a couple hours before she died, my last words to her were, “I love you Bhabes!” Her very last words to me were, “If I died today, I wouldn’t mind, because I had you to love me. See you soon!” Yes, I will see her again – soon…
Guys, if you would like your wife to change, then apply the Bible verses I expanded below. Apply these to your life, and love your wife, and she will change!
Love is patient
Love is kind
Love does not envy
Love does not boast
Love is not proud
Love does not dishonor others
Love is not self-seeking
Love is not easily angered
Love keeps no record of wrongs
Love does not delight in evil
Love rejoices with the truth
Love always protects
Love always trusts
Love always hopes
Love always perseveres
Love never fails!
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
This is a guest post my Lan Tait on The OverComer.